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Jill's Place
7 days worth of rants & raves

Yeah, that's right

Tuesday, February 01, 2005
Whatever:
The older I get, the more I suspect that that occasional feeling of "who thought it was a good idea to make me an adult?" never actually goes away. . . . Thing is, you eventually realize that there really isn't a moment when you stop feeling young and start feeling adult. You're just always you. And that's oddly comforting, despite the occasional moments of cognitive dissonance.
Yes, I'm sometimes stunned that I'll be 36 in a couple of months. Can that be right? Surely not. I know, I know, Mr. R., no talk about getting older. I don't actually mind getting older, and I do quite realize that I'm not old. Truthfully, I always thought my thirties would be "my" decade, and so far it has been, granted the occasional bumps in the road. This has been an enjoyable time so far thanks mostly to the child and husband, of course. But still, where does the time go, and why does it go faster and faster every year? 35 is good. As were 30, 31, 31 32 (apparently, I was 31 twice), 33, and 34. I have some hope for 36 as well. And let's face it, anything had to be an improvement over my 20s. Divorce, trauma, drama. Yuck! And I wouldn't go back to being a teenager for all the money in the world. It just hits you sometimes. My kid will start kindergarten in the fall. And it seems like she was just born. I'll consider going to my 20th high school reunion in a couple of years. 20 years? When I was younger, that seemed so old to me. And yet, now it's not. Your perspective changes everything, right? You know what I don't like? I don't like the feeling that my life is getting away from me. I want to enjoy life as much as possible for as long as I can, and I sometimes feel I'm just drifting along, letting life happen to me, still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I don't like that.

2/01/2005 11:15:00 AM :: ::
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